Self-harm behaviours among children and adolescents are a concern worldwide. For parents, the signs can be very concerning, alarming, and overwhelming. Although self-harm might not directly correlate to suicidal tendencies, it is a sign of emotional turmoil and distress that requires professional attention.
This guide aims to assist parents and caregivers and provide necessary information on identifying self-harm in children, understanding the reasons behind it, and how to seek help, including the role of telehealth psychiatry in offering timely care.
Understanding Self-Harm in Children
Self-harm is a child’s purposeful activity aimed at injuring themselves and is often used as a way to cope with emotionally overwhelming circumstances. Self-inflicted injuries can be:
- Cutting or scratching the skin
- Burning or hitting oneself
- Pulling out hair
- Infected wounds
- Risk-taking behaviours with the intention to injure
Self-harm is often a way of coping with overwhelming emotional distress, and self-harm behaviours, in many instances, are not intended to be suicidal.
Why Do Children Self-Harm?
There are various motivations for self-harm, including:
- Emotional Regulation: Letting go of strong feelings such as anger, sadness, or anxiety.
- Sense of Control: Feelings of helplessness and lack of control.
- Communication: Distress that cannot be expressed verbally.
- Bullying or Trauma: Painful experiences that occur at school, at home, or during other activities.
- Underlying Mental Health Conditions: Depression, anxiety, or ADHD, in varying degrees, could lead to self-harm.
These are the first steps to providing meaningful support.
Emotional Causes of Distress in Children
Children rarely engage in self-harming behaviours without underlying emotional distress. In many cases, these struggles build up gradually and may not always be visible to parents or caregivers at first.
Several emotional, social, and environmental factors can contribute to this distress.
Common contributing factors include:
- Academic pressure or fear of failure
- Bullying at school or social exclusion
- Family conflict or communication breakdown
- Cyberbullying or negative online experiences
- Friendship difficulties or social isolation
- Trauma, grief, or loss
- High expectations or constant pressure to perform
- Mental health conditions such as anxiety or depression
Each child experiences emotional stress differently. For some, self-harm becomes a coping mechanism when they are unable to express their feelings in words or seek support in other ways.
Understanding these root causes helps parents respond with empathy rather than judgment.
Warning Signs Parents Should Look For
Self-harm signs are subtle, but parents should be mindful of:
- Unexplained cuts, bruises, or burns
- Avoiding hot weather in long sleeves
- Withdrawal from family and friends
- Mood swings, irritability, or secrecy
- Avoiding activities that involve showing skin (e.g., swimming)
Seek help if multiple signs are involved.
Difference Between Self-Harm and Suicidal Behaviour
Self-harm and suicidal behaviour are related but not always the same. Understanding the difference is important for appropriate support and response.
Self-harm typically refers to deliberate actions taken to cope with emotional distress. In many cases, the goal is not to end life, but to relieve emotional pain, frustration, or numbness.
Suicidal behaviour, however, involves thoughts or actions where the intention is to end one’s life.
Key differences include:
Self-harm may involve:
- Coping with overwhelming emotions
- Temporary relief from emotional pain
- Lack of intent to die
- Repetitive coping behaviour
Key differences include:
- Feelings of hopelessness or despair
- Thoughts about ending life
- Planning or expressing intent
- Severe emotional withdrawal
First Steps Parents Should Take
If you suspect or know your child is self-harming:
- Stay Calm: Reacting with panic or anger will lead your child to withdraw further.
- Open a Conversation: Ask your child, gently and with no judgment, how they feel.
- Listen: Validate their feelings, no matter how you perceive the situation.
- Avoid Blame: Provide support and release the punishment.
- Ensure Safety: Keep harmful things out of easy reach.
Seek Professional Help: Work with a psychiatrist for an evaluation and treatment.
Common Mistakes Parents Should Avoid
When a child is self-harming, parents often react with fear or urgency. However, certain reactions can unintentionally make the situation more difficult for the child.
Common mistakes include:
- Reacting with anger, panic, or shock
- Blaming or punishing the child
- Dismissing it as attention-seeking behaviour
- Forcing the child to talk before they are ready
- Ignoring emotional warning signs
- Over-monitoring without emotional communication
- Comparing the child with others
Instead, children need calm, consistent emotional support. Feeling safe in communication is often the first step toward recovery.
Professional Support and Telehealth Options
Mental health specialists offer pivotal aid when working with children who engage in self-harm. Interventions may involve the following:
- Therapy: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) enable children to develop healthier coping strategies.
- Medication: Prescribing medication is essential in the treatment of dependency conditions like anxiety or depression.
- Family Therapy: Including the family ensures a supportive home environment.
- Telepsychiatry: Online consultations provide rapid access to specialists, particularly for families living in rural or regional Australia.
The Role of Telehealth in Supporting Families
- Remote Locations: Available nationwide, including remote areas.
- Ease: Sessions can be conducted from home, allowing children to feel more at ease.
- Flexible: Online Appointments can be scheduled outside of office hours.
- Regularity: These services provide consistent appointments to monitor and support patients through these changes.
Concluding Remarks
Finding out your child may be self-harming can feel frightening and deeply upsetting. As a parent, it is natural to feel confused about what to do next, but you are not alone in this, and help is available.
Self-harm is usually a sign of emotional distress, not a desire for attention. With calm support, open communication, and timely professional help, children can learn healthier ways to cope and gradually begin to heal.
What matters most is creating a safe space where your child feels heard, not judged. Even small steps, listening without reaction, staying present, and seeking guidance early can make a real difference in their recovery journey.
If you are concerned, reaching out to a mental health professional is a strong, positive step. Early support can help your child feel understood and supported before things become more difficult.
HelloDoc’s child psychiatrists are here to support families with compassionate, confidential telehealth care whenever it is needed.
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For Mental Health Emergencies in Australia, contact:
- Lifeline: 13 11 14
- Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636
- MensLine Australia: 1300 789 978
- Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467
- Veterans and Veterans Families Counselling Service: 1800 011 046
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